Motherhood is Fraught with Peril

I like to think that I am a fairly wise shopper. My kids are TOUGH on their clothes. Isaac in particular will wear an item until it is so worn that a good stiff breeze renders him stark naked on the street, wondering what happened to his favorite shirt or PJs. Generally, before it gets bad enough that people start offering them coins and antibiotics on the street, I like to hit some of the local discount stores and restock their clothing stash. You know these stores that take in "irregulars" from the larger department stores? Say what you will, but I am NOT willing to pay $20 for a Spider Man t-shirt when I know for a fact that it will age the equivalent of 12 years after 1 night in my home. Those stores are usually my best friend.

Jesse and I hit a few this weekend and walked out with total pay dirt in the form of little boys PJs and shirts. As we were leaving the store, the alarm indicating the presence of a security tag went off. We waited expectantly to be approached by a sales clerk or the manager, who happened to be standing right there. No one said anything so we moved through the security bars again. Alarm went off again. We waited. No one seemed remotely interested in making sure that we were not stealing anything so we proceeded to leave the store, setting off the alarm a third and final time. Outside we poked through our purchases, concentrating on the higher priced items, but did not find a security tag. We assumed a cell phone or some other benign object was setting off the alarm.

At home I again dug through our items, searching for a pair of baby girl PJs I purchased for $6. Can't beat $6 eh? And there, mocking me mercilessly, was the rogue security tag that kept setting off the alarm. We never dreamed that a pair of $6 baby jammies would have a security tag so we did not bother to look. I MIGHT not have been so upset IF I had not been through this exact same experience several weeks before. That time I left the store with a pair of running shoes and got home only to discover the stupid tag was still attached. I had to drive all the way back to the store, not at all close to my house, with the receipt and ask them to remove it. I was less than thrilled.

There I was, standing in my house with a $6 pair of baby jammies, irritated as anything, thinking there is NO WAY I am driving all the way back out there for a pair of $6 baby jammies.

Did I mention this was a $6 item?? WHY are we marking $6 items with security tags?????

My irritation with this repeat lack of security tag removal, the fact that I planned for Anna to wear those jammies that very night and my general outrage at the apparently inept staff of this store motivated me to grab the nearest steak knife and start hacking at the security tag.

Can you see where this is going?

In my haste and annoyance, I grabbed a long, thin knife with a particularly springy blade. A knife that had, incidentally, not been through a recent trip in the dish washer.

Now feel free to laugh because it IS pretty funny, but please also have a teeny tiny bit of sympathy for the fact that this very flexible knife bounced off of the tag and firmly embedded itself in my left thumb. OH DEAR GOD THE PAIN. The knife hit a solid object which I can only conclude, given that it did not go clear through my thumb to the kitchen counter, was my bone. You must also allow Jesse some time to gloat as he was standing right next time me murmuring helpful things such as, "Honey I don't think you are going to be able to get that off." "Honey you are going to hurt yourself." "Cherith, be careful." "Cherith I don't think that is a good idea."

You get the idea.

There you have it, I stabbed myself in the thumb while attempting to remove a security tag from a $6 pair of baby jammies. What sort of award do you think I can/should get for this?

The appendage is quite swollen and painful. I have decided to give it 3 days to return to an acceptable size before I even consider seeking medical treatment. If the worst should happen and it has to be amputated, don't worry because I can have one of my toes grafted onto my hand, thereby replacing my thumb AND securing a nice discount on all future pedicures.

Liz and I have decided to start an anti anti-theft security tags blog. At this point they seem about as effective at preventing shop lifting as car alarms are at preventing car theft and break-ins.

I have not yet decided what to do with the offending $6 baby jammies. I will keep you updated.

My hand hurts like hell, particularly after typing this post. Anna spent the better part of the day patting the splint on my thumb and saying, "Owie. Owie. Mama Owie." Since laundry, dishes and most other housekeeping chores are currently out of the question and since today was the first day of school meaning that I spent the better part of the day typing with a very painful hand, Anna and I spent the evening laying on the floor flipping through a Hanna Andersson catalogue and commenting on how all the babies are night night. Anna very clearly now says, "Night night baby, baby night night." She is almost cute enough to render one oblivious to blinding, throbbing pain. Almost.

Peeved

It has recently come to my attention that there are those in the world who seem to think that my kids are spoiled.

Really?

Well, let's explore that shall we.

For the record, I really do not care one way or the other what the general populace thinks of my parenting skills. This particular issue I see as an attack on both my parenting skills AND my kids, therefore my need to address it.

I have a few trusted sources who I will ask when I have questions, and I frequently do. Jesse and I realize that we are not perfect parents and have a lot to learn.

HOWEVER...

I take serious issue with the word spoiled when used in reference to my children. Many of you know or will soon find out that Jesse and I are intensely defensive of our kids and will go to great lengths to protect them. Spoiled, by definition, implies that something is ruined, no good, worthless, essentially trash.

For the record, the next time someone stands in my home as an invited guest and utters this word in reference to my children, said person will quickly find themselves standing dazed and confused on the sidewalk outside my home.

To answer a few lingering questions:

Are my kids loved? Absolutely?
Do my kids get a lot of attention? Absolutely?
Do my kids have a lot of toys? Yes they do, more than they really need.
Are my kids home schooled? Yes they are.
Is Anna nursing beyond a year? Yes she is.

Do I feel the need to explain any of the above to anyone? No I do not. Frankly, these choices are nobody's business but Jesse's, mine and our children. If you feel the need to object or discuss, I am happy to have those conversations when approached in a respectful manner. We know that we are not perfect parents and that there is always something new that we can learn as we travel the perilous journey of child rearing.

For those of you who are still concerned, rest assured that a significant amount of daily time in the S house is devoted to discussions regarding manners, behavior and a general respect for our fellow mankind, even when mankind chooses to be disrespectful to us. Our kids do not get a new toy every time they go to the store, they do not get a sugary snack 12 times a day, they are not allowed to beat on each other, friends or strangers, they do not run wild, they have rules, they have discipline and as God is my witness I WILL teach Nathan to chew with his mouth closed if it is the very last thing I ever do!

In the future, let's all be sure not to use our own insecurities or envy as an excuse to attack another human being. Are my kids more privileged than some kids? Absolutely. Are there kids in the world who are more privileged than mine? Again, absolutely! Does that mean that I automatically label more privileged kids as spoiled? No, I do not. Does that mean that I expect perfection from a more privileged child? Absolutely NOT!

There you have it, my thoughts on this particular issue.

While all of the above is true, I ask you to also remember that first and foremost my kids are just that, KIDS! They WILL make mistakes, they WILL have trouble sharing, they WILL get into fights, they WILL say words that they are not supposed to, they WILL demand toys and snacks that they do not need and cannot have, for cryin out loud they are KIDS! Please do not demand perfection from my kids or yours. They will learn as they grow but they need room to make mistakes and a guide to help them learn from those mistakes.

We now return to your regularly scheduled joy and mirth of the S Family Chronicles.

Can we stop with all the growing up nonsense???

Seriously, I have NEVER felt such mixed emotions in all my life. I am SO proud of my boys. They are such (usually) well behaved, (usually) polite, (usually) kind hearted little guys. They miss Jesse and I terribly when one of us is gone for a while, they adore their baby sister, they are funny, they laugh, they play games, they are creative, it just goes on and on. I would not change them if I could. I would not zap them back to infancy, yet I feel so sad as they grow and change and learn new things. I don't remember signing up for this part of parenthood. I clearly remember being excited about babies and changing diapers and first birthdays and spit up and all that, but I was totally unprepared for this part. They should really improve the marketing of this whole parenting gig.

What has sparked this discussion? Isaac lost ANOTHER tooth!! He looks so darn cute and is so proud of himself! We had a celebratory breakfast of pancakes with candy faces and yes, the tooth fairy DID come AGAIN. No, she did not bring $20 this time, so relax!

Jesse is playing at the Greeley Jazz Festival today and Anna is asleep, so I must play Candy Land with my boys now.

PS Doesn't snaggle tooth look CUTE???

PPS More new pics on the photog's site.
If you would like the link to view the pics, please e-mail me.

You know you are a parent when...

...you stumble down the stairs, bleary eyed and yawning because your daughter is cutting teeth and had two shots and therefore felt the need to wake up every 45 minutes all night long, desperately in need of a cup of hot tea, but instead of shrieking in terror or vomiting into the sink, you simply shove the bowl full of dirt and live worms that your boys left on the kitchen counter the night before out of the way so that you can reach your tea bags.

Parenting test that I have failed:

1. I cannot pull out loose teeth. Isaac has begged me to pull out his most recent loose tooth and I just cannot do it. I CAN'T DO IT PEOPLE! I tried, I really did. Esther gave it a try and I had to leave the room I was so grossed out. It will fall out on its own when it is ready!

2. I cannot drink anything that has baby/toddler backwash. The very idea makes me gag.

3. I cannot clean up vomit. My poor, darling husband gets this chore each and every time.

4. I cannot eat something that, even though offered in love by one of my dear children, is slobbered on, mushy, dirty, etc. My mom informs me that this is THE parenting skill to have, but I just can't do it! Someone better call social services.

5. I cannot allow a nose to run or a child to wipe a runny nose with a sleeve or hand. Snot is second only to vomit when ranking bodily secretions in order of disgust.

So there you have it. If this were the parenting SATs I think I would score a combined 700 or something.

Isaac and Nathan's pics are up on the photog's website, VERY cute! There are still more to come so everyone get to work on those second mortgages so that we can pay for them! ;)

If you would like the link to view the pics, please e-mail me.

This could be the big one....

Anna turns 1 tomorrow. Esther, get out the notecards, buy a LOT of chocolate and clear out the Starbucks on the corner, this could take all weekend.

PS Isaac has another very loose tooth. sniffle whimper

Ask not for whom the bell tolls....

...because it is probably just one of these cats prowling around the house. WHY do indoor cats need to wear bells? All I hear all night long is the sound of those stupid bells.

Additional Misc yet Vitally Important Information

The poll results are in!! Vomit is more disgusting and we should NOT cut Anna's hair. Interesting, the poll results mirror my thoughts! ;)

I have lots of fun video to share, but at the moment it is on our digital video camera and I don't know how to get it onto the computer. I will work on that ASAP. In the meantime, I have created a new poll for your amusement. Be careful with this one, you would become Esther's #1 nemesis if you vote incorrectly.

I know I promised you a pic of Anna's Easter dress and I WILL get you one, I just neglected to take any on my camera so I am waiting for one of my sisters to e-mail me some.

For now you can entertain yourself with this video that I DID take on the digi cam. This is the boys hunting Easter eggs in our house on Easter morning. Um...I did not realize what a mess the place was until I was already taping so let's call this a window into the reality of the S house. If you come over and it is super clean, that usually means that I cleaned it because you were coming over. This is what it looks like the rest of the time.

At the start of the video you will hear Isaac obsessing over the welfare of a dog. This may confuse you as most of you know that we do not actually own a dog (thank God almighty). Rest assured that there will not be a dog in this house anytime soon, he is worried about a stray that followed us home from Jesse's parents house. This was a particularly mean dog, it actually came up on the porch and barked at me through the screen door.



If you ever happen to be in downtown Colorado Springs, you MUST stop and visit a charming little tea shop called the Catbird Seat. Darling little place with FABULOUS food! If you are a guy, don't go unless you are seriously in touch with your feminine side. I do not know the actual address, but hopefully Liz will be kind enough to respond to this post and leave it for anyone who is interested.

Jesse is sick with a wicked sinus infection, his first such experience. He has been pretty miserable all weekend. We were knocking on the doctor's door first thing this morning. This is going to sound odd, but I have this overwhelming feeling of serenity regarding his illness. It is so wonderful to know that he is sick, but that he will NOT have to visit an emergency room, potentially be admitted to the hospital, require an ambulance trip, etc. Never thought I could be thankful and smile because a loved one was miserable and in agonizing pain, but here we are. Go figure.

We are gearing up for two huge birthdays in the S house. Anna turns 1 on the 15th and Nathan turns 4 on the 28th. We are doing a joint party on the 22nd. If you are local, you are invited. Well heck, even if you are not local consider yourself invited, but we are not paying airfare or hotel. ;) Nathan was rather short changed on his birthday last year due to Anna's arrival so we are doing the best we can to make him feel very special this year. He marches around the house on an hourly basis reciting the names of all the people on his guest list. Such a cutie pie!!

I don't know what else I could possibly write about so this is a good place to end. Spring break is over and we are all back to work tomorrow! Have a great week!

Never say Never!

This is for all the times we swore we would NEVER end up as one of THOSE couples. We will NEVER break down and get a mini van, there are other options, mini vans are for old boring people, etc, etc.

Jesse and I have officially joined the ranks of old boring people! Frankly, we could not be more pleased with ourselves. We sacrificed our illusions of youth, but we gained a whole bunch of convenience.

It has been a busy few days in the S house! Obviously there is the new car, but that lead to another HUGE milestone for our little Anna. Today Anna went for her first ride, forward facing, in her new big girl car seat! Traditionally we make the S children wait until their first birthday, but practicality won out in this case. She was not quite sure about the whole thing at first, but she warmed up fairly quickly. In the event that you object to this particular car seat, garish as it appears, you should know that Anna selected this one herself. We sat her in her various options and this one earned the biggest smile.




We also visited the aquarium today. All in all, it was not a great choice. A local radio station was sponsoring an egg hunt and it was PACKED. I did manage to get the video clips below. Nathan is now sporting a lovely sting ray bite on two of his fingers, but I think he will live.





In other news, we have now complained to the nearby air force base AND to the international airport about the late night air traffic. I am 100% sure that this will do us no good at all, but hey! it made us feel a little bit better.

Easter is tomorrow and we are all excited to hunt eggs and spend time with family. The Easter bunny is bringing Anna her very first My Little Pony. If you could have witnessed the utter confusion of her poor parents, standing baffled and confused in that unfamiliar aisle with all the pink and purple and frills and bows, you would have laughed until you cried. The boys are receiving pirate stuff and super hero action figures. We hope this fits somewhat with the Easter story, given that Isaac's reply to Jesse's telling of the Easter story was, "WOW! God and Jesus must be the most powerful good guys in the whole universe!" I am somewhat new at this parenting thing, but it IS normal for little boys to view the entire world in terms of good guys and bad guys, right?

Stay tuned for Anna's unbelievable Easter dress, hand made by my darling mother. You will all be placing orders for next year, I promise!!

Oh yes and in answer to your question Esther, I DO carry the digi cam around in a holster! I mean seriously, do you BLAME me?? ;)

Easter eggs, allergies, a virus and thou

Evening all! We had a lovely first half of the day dying Easter eggs at my mom's house. Definitely the best part of the day, the rest has been abysmal. Anna has Nathan's head cold and will not let me more than 3 inches away from her. She wants to nurse for comfort but her nose is so stuffed up that she can't so she just cries non-stop. Poor baby. I am utterly miserable fighting with my usual spring allergies. BLAH.

I finally got her down for a nap this afternoon. She slept for an hour only to be awakened by the God awful racket of jets flying so low that I believe we are now missing shingles from our roof. Someday someone is going to have to explain to me how national security is dependent on jets from a nearby air force base flying so flipping low over my house in the middle of the day. We live literally at the edge of decent civilization! There are miles and miles of open space to the east of us, WHY must these jets fly over populated areas????

Ok I am done with that particular rant now.

And now for the reasons why Jesse and I deserve the worst parents on the planet award!

#1: We forgot to feed Anna dinner last night. We are trying to cut down on her daily nursing and get her to eat more solid food, but sometimes we forget to actually offer it to her. She did not let us know that we had neglected her until around midnight when she would not stop fussing. Eventually we figured out our error and sheepishly brought her downstairs for something to eat. She is such a sweetie pie, she wolfed down her food and went right back to sleep.

#2: I did not communicate the intended purpose of the 5 dollar bill on the microwave, so Jesse grabbed it and spent it on screws for the swing set. It was the cash I was saving for Isaac's tooth. The only other cash we had in the house was a 20 and neither of us wanted to go to 7-11 at midnight. So yes, we left our child $20 for a fallen baby tooth. I have already been scolded severely as to the repercussions should this information hit the streets, but rest assured that the secret is safe. Isaac identifies ALL paper money as 1 dollar, so he has absolutely no idea that he is sitting on a virtual gold mine. I will switch the 20 in his wallet for a nice 5 dollar bill this evening after he goes to bed.

Anna has decided that I have typed long enough so I will leave you with pics from today as well as a video that shows off our nephew Sammy's new linguistic skills. He just got home from Italy.

The pic at the top is a rare photo that actually includes me. 3 cyber cookies to the person who swipes the pic, enlarges it and then connects the bruises and scars on my face to find the hidden pic of Fidel Castro.

Isaac's First Tooth

Well, my darling baby boy lost his fist baby tooth early this morning. I am so proud of him, he handled it so well! He is all set for the tooth fairy to visit tonight.

Isn't it awfully early? I have no experience in this, but he is only 5! I thought teeth did not start falling out until 7 or 8? shrug

Those of you who have little boys, how often do you, or do you even, clean their rooms? I like my house clean, I don't like to find stinky surprises, and the boys don't really like to play in there when it is messy, but for pity sake those boys can mess that room up FAST. When they were younger and thought it was lots of fun to dump everything off of the shelves for no particular reason, I did once bag up all their stuff and lock it in the laundry room for a few weeks. This is different, they don't mess it up purely to make a mess, they are playing and they just take a bunch of stuff out and don't think to put it back. We are working on the idea that you clean up one thing before you get another out, but that is going to take time. I am so flipping busy with work, Anna, meals, laundry, etc during the day that I just cannot follow them around making sure that they are putting all their toys away. We do have cleanup time in the evenings before bed, but by the time we get to their room we are usually exhausted. Every so often I go up there and clean it up so that it sparkles. Within 24 horus it is a disaster again. How do you deal with this? Do you keep cleaning it or just leave it a mess? I DO take them up there with me and have them help clean it and they ARE getting better, but I am thinking that this pattern will continue until they get a bit older.

In case you are wondering, the facial from hell is still causing me problems. It turns out that she not only caused me pain on my face but she also left her mark on my neck. The brief massage that she gave me was WAY too deep and I have nasty bruises. This is probably not her fault. Since the car accident you can barely touch my neck without leaving a bruise. She did do a great job with my eyebrows, I have to give her credit for that.

My poor face, however, will likely bare the marks of this torture for quite a while. When she reassured me that, despite the excruciating pain I would not have any bruises or marks on my face, SHE LIED!! I have swollen spots, bright red patches, you name it, I have it. At this point I am farily certain that I would not be able to land a date with the elephant man, assuming the poor man was still alive. You might want to offer some sympathy to Jesse, after all he does have to live with me. If you happen to pass me on the street, look away for I am hideous.

Nathan seems to be getting sick, poor baby.

Can someone please explain to me WHY we got these cats?

Spring Break officially starts tomorrow!!!

Sniffle Sniffle

Oh my, I just cannot believe that we are getting to this point in one of our children's lives! The S house was in an uproar today after Isaac walked up to daddy and announced that his tooth was "really wobbly." He is getting so big! I just cannot believe that he is big enough to be loosing his baby teeth. Time moves so quickly. He has been utterly darling all evening, spending most of his time looking in the mirror and then running in to show us the latest position of the tooth about once every 3 or 4 minutes.

Isaac is actually handling the whole thing very well, surprising considering his typical anxiety. Jesse did an excellent job of talking up the fun aspects of loosing a tooth. Isaac now believes that the tooth fairy is a cousin of Santa Clause, hence the need to fall asleep before she will visit. Quite ingenious if you ask me! I think that within in the next 24 hours this tooth will be history!

Here is a question and I am sorry if this seems gross, but I really want to know. I would like to save his first baby tooth in his baby book. Will that work? I mean, can I keep a tooth without it getting really gross or something? You would think that as a science teacher I would have an answer to this question, but alas I am clueless.

Another question, Isaac and Nathan are both pretty oblivious to the idea of money. We have tried several times to introduce the idea of an allowance and they are thoroughly uninterested. I think that if we wakes up in the morning and finds that the tooth fairy has left him cash, which is what I always found and loved, he will be pretty disappointed. I don't want to leave candy or any kind of food item, any ideas?

In other news, my fellow patrons of Giovanni's Day Spa will be distressed to know that our usual aesthetician, Kathy, has left and apparently without a forwarding address. In her place is a woman who I swear who be better employed extracting information from terrorists, not that I condone that sort of thing, than extracting pores in a spa. I would choose the dentist over this woman any day. I actually had to ask her to stop several times, she was causing me such unbelievable pain. NOT what I was looking for in a relaxing afternoon at the spa, but oh well. I made it up to myself by marching up the street and purchasing two cute pairs of shoes. Trust me, I earned them after that hour.

And yet another question: To cut or not to cut Anna's hair? Her bangs are forever in her eyes and I must admit that this drives me crazy. It does not seem to bother her, but I can only think about how much it would bother me. Her Suzie from Whosville pony tail on top of the head does have a degree of cuteness, but I don't really like the fact that I have to fix it 13 times a day. The problem is that cutting her hair seems like a final and permanent alteration of her babyhood. What to do? What to do?

No new pics or videos today. Jesse was busy installing a gate at the top of the stairs as well as lowering the mattress in Anna's crib in the hopes of avoiding another swan dive. Between that, the spa and the usual madness, no time for pics! Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Snow shmow!

Fortunately, the snow melted quickly and we were able to get outside today. Ever dependable Mary showed up a baby swing probably an hour after reading my last post. Rest assured she did NOT go to Toys R Us. WAY TO GO MARY! Toys R Us is EVIL!

Below is a video of all three kids playing on their swings. It was a little chilly today, but Anna really loves to swing. Ok, yes she should have had socks on, she did not loose any toes so relax. Next time I promise to put socks on her.



Incidentally, I have now tried several times to get Anna to wear shoes, but it is not going too well. She wiggles her foot around, fusses and looks at me like I have committed a most grievous sin. Very unfortunate for her to dislike shoes so much, considering her relatives. We will have to continue working on this issue. There is NO WAY I will pass up my ONLY chance to buy baby girls shoes!!!

Actually, come to think of it, Isaac was the same way. I was once approached by a store security guard because he was throwing such a fit over having to try on shoes. Maybe I need to get some DNA tests and make sure these are actually my children...

Ah yes, you want to know what Anna did yesterday that was so awful? Anna has a dear and wonderful nanny, Amanda. Anna has been staying with Amanda at least one day a week since last fall and they just love each other. I dropped Anna off on Thursday as usual, went home to get some work done and then went shopping with Esther.

Apparently Anna decided that she just did not want to deal on this particular day and proceeded to scream for 5 straight hours. Poor Amanda finally called me in distress, unable to figure out what was wrong. Esther and I dropped everything and raced back to pick Anna up, only to be greeted with a big smile and coos of delight. LITTLE STINKER! After a brief feeding, Anna reached her arms out for Amanda and put her head down on her shoulder. This WOULD have been quite a tender and endearing moment if it did not immediately follow 5 hours of constant fussing. Just for the record, there was not a darn thing wrong with her, she was fine that whole evening and has been fine every since. Not even a hint of a runny nose! She just made up her mind that she would carry on until she got what she wanted. I think we might be in trouble with this one!

In case you are wondering about the new Barilla Plus pasta http://www.barillaus.com/PLUS_information.aspx , we sampled it tonight and quite enjoyed it. It was a bit more firm than your typical pasta, which I actually like, but the flavor and overall texture were quite similar to "regular" pasta. The boys liked it as did Anna.